I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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