i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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