I wish i was in the wii world.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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