if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
