I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
