Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
