I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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