There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
