I hate all girls vehemently.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Houston, we have a blender
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
