I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
