Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
