I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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