you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize