sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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