I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
