Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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