He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize