So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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