I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She even gives head with a lisp.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize