so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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