What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize