i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
