My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
