I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
