I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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