so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
