I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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