Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
