So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
