A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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