I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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