I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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