so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
