If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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