he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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