Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize