it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
