I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
