Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
