remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize