eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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