Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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