u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize