i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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