I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
