I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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