that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
