It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
