I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
