I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
