What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
