"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
