I wanna bring you to show and tell
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
