omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think your dad took our porno
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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