We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
