My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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