I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
