The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
