Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
