the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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