if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My ATM looks so different sober.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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