Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
