We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
