mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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