Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
