Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
