Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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