btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
