Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
