She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize