so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We named our party play list daddy issues
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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