This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
