Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize