My sheets look like a crime scene.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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